what's brewing?

He's here and met with the media this morning. I mean Neri, the former head of the Commission on Higher Education who turned out to be more popular than our dear Darna--pun not intended--when the controversial ZTE deal became one of the mothers of all the scandals that rocked the administration.

He looks fit now--far from the Neri I saw early last year at the University of the Philippines-Mindanao when he was still the head of Ched. So fit that he appeared to me like someone who can put up a day-long cat-and-mouse chasing game with whoever would want to--or even a fist fight--unlike that day in UP-Mindanao where his escape from the angry students was made sweatless by his bodyguards. Bodyguards--made me think of Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner. Sweet.

At the hotel yesterday, Neri did not appear to me like he's someone who has been entangled into the messy multimillion ZTE deal. He looked calm and sounded--effortlessly--optimistic that the money of the contributors of the Social Security System that he heads now will not go down the drain--actually guaranteed as it is the safest investment, anyway--once it will be funnelled into the government Economic Stimulus Package.

He looked--cherubic--to say the least.

Ay waw! P12.5 Billion of SSS contributors money will be poured to complete the P330 Billion package, along with the share of the GSIS and two other government finance institution. Yes, a government package. And the money is guaranteed. And it will help pump prime the economy. And will help generate employment. And, pardon the redundancy, this is guaranteed.

Yes, dear. This is Neri--and the government--brewing.

free

How must one celebrate freedom when poorness is looming?

I am kind of ecstatic about some significant changes happening to me in the next few days. I have finally decided to flirt with my self-made feeling of fatigue over NGO works to give way to poorness by devoting most of my time on the thing that I love the most--something that I am afraid will not even be enough for me to pay for my bills or will allow me to treat the self out to a movie.

Yes I am a little worried because there's not much money in the local media compared to the their counterparts in Manila, and I am of course suggesting that in media--and the difference is always elaborate--the struggle of the lower class is a reality although it is not necessarily the same as the struggle of the poor against those who are up there in the social triangle as being fought by the countless Aling Mamengs against the residents of the Palace and their elite friends.

I am a little worried because I am working in a system known for being unfriendly to those who cannot deliver. Right now, I am starting to feel how it is like to be inside a pressure cooker and I am not even exaggerating. Not yet. The what-ifs are countless and the issue of survival is a booming voice that tries to distract and weaken the resolute self.

But let us see.





And while I am starting to problematize my own and other people's poorness--not that working in an NGO for three years unpoored me--allow me to devour on freedom first.

my mom is iti...it-serou

Meet ate Emerald. Nakatabi ko sya sa isang internet café sa Cagayan de Oro. Wala akong nagawang trabaho kasi nag-eavesdrop ako. Kausap ni ate ang kanyang boyfriend na Egyptian. Sinilip ko sya…gwapo ang porener. Sa aking pagsilip, don ko rin nalaman na Emerald ang name ni ate. Si ate Emerald ay medyo malusog. Naka-lacy blouse ito na shining-shimmering-splendid ang arrive. Plum ang color. Ng damit, hindi ni ate Emerald kasi may "P" sa dulo ang kung si ate na ang idi-describe natin. Si Ate Emeral ay pimply. Hon ang tawag nya sa kanyang kausap. Base sa mga narinig ko, may anak na si Ate. Babae rin. Nakakaloka ang tawa ni ate. Lol daw. As in lol. Hindi el-Ow-el ha. Talagang lol. Pero mapapansin nyo sa baba, may tawa syang hahahahaa…siguro napagod kaya sat wing tatawa sya, pagkatapos non, lol na.

lol...

Ate Emerald:

really? are you tired? ok. you have to stretch your body. make an exercise...ok. my motorbike...and i have, we have..den we go to da betch. and we do picnic. you know picnic honey? yeahhhh...very mats. yeahhhh...yes.

and she is beri talented. she dans. and she is more seksi than her mom

PAUSE

hello? u her me hon?
hellow?
hellow?

PAUSE

etch chokey...etch chokey hon

we love to go to the betch...yeahhh...im a good swemer. yeah. yes. i tetch u. i know how to dayb. you know how to dayb? daybing? ahhh..you want to know how to dayb? daybing? you want to know...yes...i will be the one tetch u...ok?

ok...

yeshhh
see u...
i...yes...picture plant.

PAUSE

my work?
my work is beri simpol. you know what is ker giber? no... yes

PAUSE

in da ospetal...
you know what is ospetal? yesh...dats et.yeah...

PAUSE

yes...

PAUSE

my mom is very old now...
she is iti year old...
iti...
it-serou--iti
hahahha...
yes
hahahahahha...

PAUSE

(Fixes self. Chatmate went somewhere…)
YM CALL----TOLOLOLOLOT...TOLOLOLOLOTTTT....


hello...
hello
hon?
her meh?
u see me hon?
honi...
ispik to mi
yesh
why are u not speak?
u are sad?
about wat?

PAUSE

second ger?
second keyd?
ahhhh
about my second children

COMMENT KO: potaH...second children?

PAUSE

ahhh

like a child, she's...always--mom, mom...
i can si dis? she is so very--tsk! sge's an honor styodent in her school
i dont know what i tell u. jas ask me

my mom?
no! hahahahaha...no. she's biri old now.
hellow?

COMMENT KO: potah! gad!!! *ano ba itong ginagawa ko?

i will not allow my dooter to have a boypren...she is study first

COMMENT KO: DOOTER?

hello?

PAUSE

i cant...
i can...
oki...

hellow?
oki

COMMENT KO: ito ang statement na pamatay

no wan kan tik u pram mi!
again? pardon?

COMMENT KO: on again and pardon----*totyal


i layk you...i lay u so much. i love u so much...dats it
ok...say something. say it
it chokey
ets my plesyor
it chokey hon
yes
hahhahaha...no
jas imadyin...
ur not tatsing me...lol
...why?

COMMENT KO: apparently, nagsesex na sila

Ohhh...lol
what you do?

why? okiiii...

PAUSE

who's that young lady? hon? is she ur beybi?
is he your beybi * naging lalaki bigla
really? ur not lying? hones? yeahhhh...
u got a nice beybi
HE IS A BOY?

yes
...i lesen (listen)
Lol…
Lol…


You have sno (w) in idyip?
You have sno (w)?
Yes…
Lol..




--
Hay napagod na ako. Nagwork na lang ako no. Respetuhin na ang mga naghahanap buhay.

Who Juana Change?

Handa awit!


On the first day of scandals, ay nag sex on phone ng matandang kalbong si Garci
On the second day of scandals ay textmates na kami, ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci...

On the third day of scandals, nagwebcam magdamag with joc-joc-joc bolante, ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci

On the fourth day of scandals, nag eye ball din kami…sa wakas…ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci

On the fifth day of scandals, gi-nang rape akong bigla…ng Charter Change! ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci…wahhhhh…wahhhhh…

On the sixth day of scandals ng north and south railway—die back to back—aray, charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci

On the seventh day of scandals, muling ginahasa—not once but twice—ng CARP extension, ng north and south railway, ARAY!!! charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci

On the eight day of scandals, akoy pinagsasampal—two hundred thousand, five hundred thousand, CARP extension, ng north and south railway —array!!! charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci..

On the ninth day of scandals, akoy kinabayo—without my written consent day, for dios por santo—ng pesteng MOA, ng perang naka-sobre….ng CARP extension, ng north and south railway —array!!! charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci..

On the tenth day of scandals, akoy pinilihan—di ko kaya—10 euro generals, ng pesteng MOA… ng perang naka-sobre….ng CARP extension, ng north and south railway —array!!! charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci..

On the eleventh day of scandals iniwang duguran—Oh lord in Heaven, please pray for us—ni General Palparan, 10 euro generals, ng pesteng MOA… ng perang naka-sobre….ng CARP extension, ng north and south railway —array!!! charter change…. ni Abalos at Neri…ni joc-joc-joc bolante… ni Jose Pidal, at ng matandang kalbong si Garci…

On the 12th day of scandals, akoy loka-loka—Basilio, Crispin—Day! Panahon pa ni Rizal ang drama ko—hahhhahahhaaa….huhuh…ang babaeng walang kibo. Magnilay ka at mag-isip..teka! kailangan ko pa palang tapusin ang kanta…

Walang bang mangyayari, tulad ba ng dati, dedma ang bayan nagbubulag-bulagan, pag ako’y nagalit sisigaw ako ng—DING!!! Ang batoooo!!! UHGHHH!!! DARNA!!! Bayan…Punyeta!!!
Walang mangyayari kung di ka aalma anong hinihintay
Itigil ang scandal ni…


Glooooooria…
Maligayang Pasko…
Merry Christmas…

Tara na Let’s go.
Muwahhhh

salamat po ti

Six days before today, my good friends I and Z, who are lovers, sent me an advance birthday greeting that confirmed their peculiar way of making or ruining someone else's day. Attached to the email was a photo that only had me remembering some forgotten memories of someone who remains dear to me.

The (unedited) letter says:

Jepoi

talagang mukha kang maybahay sa pic ti. pero ang mahalaga ay di ka mukhang nasunugan ng bahay ngayon. Yun ang mahalaga ti. andito kami ni Z sa haus kasama si Zay. Banat lafs ang drama ti at wara na rin. Nag ukay kami at naglaba ng 15 pairs of knee socks...ADVANCE HAPI bDAY na lang sa u.

Ang 10 wishes namin 4 U ay ito:

10. HouseS and LotS with CarS. dapat malapit sa beach ang haus at magkakapitbahay tayo. may roof top din dapat at bar.

9. sariling Coffee shop and internet cafe na pwede mag yosi sa loob.

8.Massage and Spa parlor

7. life time supplies of groceries from NCCC mall. because NCCCares.

6. life time beauty na di kumukupas at walang contradiction.

5. privilege para sampalin si paris hilton at si Sharon Cuneta o sino mang nakakabwisit.

4 Gay Hospital and mga doctor at nurses ay gwapo dapat. di pwede si Hayden kho kay amoy katrina halili na yun.

3. Gay Memorial Park bawal ilibing ang mga sundalong bading at mga mapagsamantalang bading.

2. Sariling printing press. radio station at Tv station at recording studio (global ang market ha)

1. Pinaka mahalaga ito. Isang dosenang Keke taun-taon para flavor of the month ang drama ti.

Yun sana matupad ti.


Loves u Alot,

I and Z and Co.

Bye.

papapel naman daw kasi they are, yeh...

Suddenly, he was reduced to being a stunned piece of breathing paper-pale flesh--formalinic, I observed, perhaps as his blood evacuated from their correct places--after getting a tongue-lashing from the fuming Mayor Rodrigo Duterte, who, by few inches, was taller than him.

He backed-off and it was the best thing to do while Duterte was still gathering the remaining sanity left of him. He cannot afford to put up a man-to-man show here, no matter how capable he is as he is an army Colonel after all.

But it was way too late for the man, later identified by one journalist as Col. Joel Ibañez, the commander of the 1003rd Infantry Brigade based in the town of Santo Tomas in Davao del Norte.

I was thinking--what could have been the man thinking? There had been arrangements that they must not be seen in the area or anywhere near for this event.

You see, the man was the uninvited. While I was witnessing the show, I pitied the man as I imagined him as being the main cast of a story that tells about someone who bought a new pair of swimsuits but was not part of the outing. So the gang went out to the beach while he was left home.

And yes, while writing this, I was kind of singing that Alanis song that says: "Like any uncharted territory, I must seem greatly intriguing...You speak of my love like you have experienced love like mine before...But this is not allowed, you're uninvited...
an unfortunate slight..."

Perhaps the scene outside was teasing him like those naked internet stars who last year had another official's time frozen while a national security official was behind a podium during a gathering that gave journalists a pass. Good that the media, when these things are happening, are always there.


So what I am really talking about? Read this.

samtang ga-rosaryo sa pikas

Sa dihang iyang gilimugmog
Ug iyang gitakla...
Una mikitiw-kitiw
Ang iyang dila nga naputos sa laway
Nga susama sa lawot—init nga bugnaw
Ug hinay nga midagayday

Iyang gigukod hangtod sa ubos
Perte! Ang dila misutoy!
Wa man gani natandog,
Wa gyud natarog!
Bisan gamay nga kahadlok wa mipakita
Sa unod nga dugay nang naghulat
Sa mainitong pagpulpog.


Padayon...
Padayon...
Daw wa gikapoy
Padayong nagmadasigon
Sama sa wait nga lagum.

Usa ka minuto…
Duha ka minuto…
Hangtod baynte-singko ka minuto…
Hangtod nga ang oras mikuyog sa kalimot
Ug mipahuway sa kalami

Sa dihang iyang gilimugmog
Ug iyang gitakla...
Milurat akong mata.

over now

But is it really?

Walking out of 2008 is for me like walking out of my room--the immaculately messy but comfortably dark room, its light painted walls made alive by some weird smears on the wall that looked like some dried-up spunk, the sight of it always makes our favorite masahista comment something like "you have been doing something inside here sir..."

It's like waking up and forcing oneself to function despite the overly heavy head--yes head, and whatever you think honey--after drowning in alcohol the night before.

And still drunk, it feels like seeing myself wearing the same shirt that I wore last night and it reeks of smoke mixed with cologne. Or hear myself whistling, while sitting on the toilet bowl, the last song I heard or sang. Or struggle at the inability to remember the names or numbers and faces of those who were introduced to me over bottles of beer and friendly glances or libido that remained contained because of some missing elements of determination or because of the inadequate charm, which is the case most of the time, by the way.

And fresh from the room, I see myself laughing over how I, along with friends, swiped at the most holy for others; decoding in perfect travesty the same teachings that became the most wicked of the instruments of oppression employed by Spain.

Then comes the desire to change clothes. And the need to bathe. And while into it, the brain revolts over being stranded in memory. But so fresh are everything that the self could not not linger with the sentimentality of the past.

And it's like stopping myself for a moment for a brief rerun of the show: I was party to everything that happened last night--good and bad, traumatic and redeeming, stupid and fabulous, intelligent and the tragic, painful and rewarding, friendly or sexual and everything in between.

And I see my family. And the friends--old and new, those who stayed and left, the real and the not-so-real. All of them played their parts in varying levels of perfection.







And follows the endless kisses as the time has come to move on.