So what I have told you last night? Yon yon.
Don't tell me I did not warn you about it: I am my most honest self when my insides--including what's left of my brain--are drowning in alcohol. I have a feeling you took it lightly the way I was--and will (always) be--taking bottles after bottles of lowcal beer almost every night like there's no tomorrow.
Last night was like the other one when I anticipated an end to what I was densely considering as a connection between the two of us. But I have not been sure about a lot of things recently; unsure as my choice of the word connection that could have been so-not-there in the first place. But I can remember you assuring me that this connection will continue with your "bakit naman hindi?"--regardless of what I confessed.
Reading that, I somehow wished you were not telling the truth. Still, part of me wished otherwise. But things could very well come out differently. Or close, if not exactly, to what I initially was afraid of. I saw people fall in love and how they grew together in love. But I also witnessed the tragedy of people being unloved. Now I see myself in them. Clearly. Like the time when I told you that I think I was falling for you and being scared of the truth that I have already fallen for you.
Sure I am scared. The thought of falling in love is scary. And seeing myself fall in love is scary. And feeling the self falling in love with you is scary. And writing about it here is scary.
But honesty I have become last night and was happy that you asked earlier on, before that confession:" Pag namatay ako ngayong gabi, kelan ulit tayo magkikita?"
Because honestly? I didn't know the answer.
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