bir sa aking lalamunahahannnn


Y,

So what I have told you last night? Yon yon.

Don't tell me I did not warn you about it: I am my most honest self when my insides--including what's left of my brain--are drowning in alcohol. I have a feeling you took it lightly the way I was--and will (always) be--taking bottles after bottles of lowcal beer almost every night like there's no tomorrow.

Last night was like the other one when I anticipated an end to what I was densely considering as a connection between the two of us. But I have not been sure about a lot of things recently; unsure as my choice of the word connection that could have been so-not-there in the first place. But I can remember you assuring me that this connection will continue with your "bakit naman hindi?"--regardless of what I confessed.

Reading that, I somehow wished you were not telling the truth. Still, part of me wished otherwise. But things could very well come out differently. Or close, if not exactly, to what I initially was afraid of. I saw people fall in love and how they grew together in love. But I also witnessed the tragedy of people being unloved. Now I see myself in them. Clearly. Like the time when I told you that I think I was falling for you and being scared of the truth that I have already fallen for you.

Sure I am scared. The thought of falling in love is scary. And seeing myself fall in love is scary. And feeling the self falling in love with you is scary. And writing about it here is scary.

But honesty I have become last night and was happy that you asked earlier on, before that confession:" Pag namatay ako ngayong gabi, kelan ulit tayo magkikita?"


Because honestly? I didn't know the answer.

9 comments:

maki said...

now i know. beer really affects perception. and judgment.

:) hehehe.

Ate Sienna said...

hmmmm... splitsville? vhaket???

bananas said...

makiboi, that's an interesting point but not really. for someone like you who will always be down after emptying a single bottle, i don't think that's valid. either credible. because for me--aware of the fact that it might just be me, anyway--bir "enhances" everything that needs enhancing. belly included.

ate sien, not really. hahaha...ganon ba ang dating ng aking post sayo? huhuhuhu...pero no. havent even started yet. on the one side, baka splitsville na rin nga--even without starting at one at all.

Maki said...

i don't think there's nothing to be enhanced in the first place. feelings are feelings, you don't need exaggeration or understatements. either way, you lose the genuineness of the feeling.

hahahaha. sukol daw beh?

bananas said...

makiboi, who's argument with you about feelings being feelings? what i don't believe, however, is your "don't need exaggerations or understatments."

why because feelings are like people. some are loud--like you--while some sway from being withdrawn or open.

like you, you put on something that you call clothes. you accessorize. and i think this will make my point a lot clearer now.

and with your clothes and ur accessorizations--did u ever feel that you lost urself somewhere?

Maki said...

hmpf. (*arm-folding gesture).

it's not me we're talking about here. not my words, not my accessories. this is about you and you're clouded emotions brought by that chemical fizz.

that is why i don't prefer beer (or, too much of it). i'm loud, how much more when i'm not sober? i avoid the things that will make me a laughing stock (that is when i induce too much of it).

hahaha.

bananas said...

shud have been arguing instead of argument.

neways...


clouded emotions? come on makibebe! ur giving alcohol too much credit and i take offense at how you insinuate that my emotions are dependent on that "chemical fizz" when all i said was that i can be my most honest self when intoxicated.

and that's precisely nothing to do with feelings, perceptions or that huge, huge thing you call emotions; things that you floated up.

whahahahahahahah...
muwahhhhh!
tse!
heheehhee

Bryan Anthony the First said...

sigh...

itagay nalang ulit natin, it's on me, pero margarita na ha.

pero madali lang naman sagot sa tanong nya dba?

maki said...

ay bahala ka. dako na bitaw ka (ug tiguwang na pud).

:P