I cannot speak with sense now. I cannot speak sense.

But when did I? But I want to speak. Perhaps, talk is the correct term. Or blabber. Only that there's no one whom I can talk to right now. Someone whom I really trust that I can outpour.

Don't mind me. I am at it again. Ask me about it and I will tell you nothing about it for the simple reason that I myself don't get it. Yes, much of this life is too complicated, so like a complex maze, to solve and get away with easily.

Of course, I have someone whom I can talk to, speak with, blabber about, and outpour everything that I want to. Whatever that is that I want to release. Tension...tension...and the subtext of tension, I can always release whenever I arrive home.

And yes. This is so nonsense.







I told you.

Don't mind me.





Just at it again. My drama.

Damn.

I want a scandal.

A sex scandal?

It won't surely sell.

But yeah, I want a scandal.

I want to get myself in a scandal.

A sex scandal.

Sure.
I'm at it again.











Told you, don't mind me.

How can't we not love Gael?

After he took his bath this morning, Athan embraced me while I was still on bed. He was dripping. I did not mind him but demanded that he dry me up. He followed with all those nags--that he did not demand of me to wipe him dry when it was me embracing him while I was also dripping and all those blah-blahs.

Sleepy, I watched him while he was putting his school uniform on. I realized, Athan is still a kid. Last night, he believed me when I told him that sea shells swim. That they're like squids. He's not stupid. He's a dean's lister. Problem is he believes in almost everything I tell him.

Then suddenly, he panicked. He could not find his PE uniform. Drawers were opened. Closed. Closet doors were banged. A towel and pieces of underwears kicked to a corner. While cursing, he called for help.

I did not budge. I just looked at him. Unaffected. Sleepy. And he left for school without his PE uniform. And I sighed. Athan is still a kid. Again I sighed upon realizing the discrepancy between our ages.

---c(n_n)a---

Just want to share to you this article I found in my inbox. It tells about staying young.


1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight, and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)


3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things



5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him or her!



6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The onlyperson who is with us our entire life, is ourself.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants,hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.



8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is



10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.




And if you don't send this to at least four people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.

Dear Athan,

Please understand. Don't think about anything. I just want to write this. I don't want to sound anything, especially defensive. I am writing this piece for an old friend. I am writing not because I am still not over her. You know very well what happened between us.

We had a good closure that sadly turned sour.

I know her and she knows me like no one else does. If anything, I want to keep her as one of my friends.

Only that she's so real.

in love,
Bananas
----c(@_@)a


Today, January 18, five days before her 29th birthday, is her wedding day. I owe her an apology for the all the difficulties I caused her. I owe her so much that I could not even dare think about it for long.

Now, perhaps as I am writing this, she could be exchanging that the lifelong promise with her boyfriend of more than a year. Could it have been me? I stopped thinking about that since I finally felt that I'm finally over her.

Well, no. I don't think it could have been me there, standing opposite her, telling her of my promises. We did that before. We promised forever. Something went amiss. And we replaced our "forevers" with "goodbyes".

Ending the four-year relationship was so emotional that it had me for quite long.

Months before I met Athan, my boyfriend of six months, I dreamed about being in the woods, consumed by the little warmth trapped inside a red tent. Not far from me
was a wedding, so discreet but lavish.

The image was clear but not the messages. It was her wedding. I was there, lurking, attending the union but was univited. I was there silently witnessing the union.

Then the traditional throwing of bouquet of flowers came. No one from the ladies, who anticipated with wide smiles at the beautiful bride's back, got the flower.

For some reasons, the flowers flew. It transformed into a fancy bird. And the bird made its way into my tent--made its way into my clasp.

And then, just as I was too ready to give them back the bird, they no longer wanted to take it--knowing that I had it.

Dear Michelle Fabunan,

Gurl, smile ka naman dyan!


Please don't slash your wrist or jump off a building. Don't you choose to die ugly, love. And, don't you die now. It's just a bad choice. I mean, the thesis. I know you are a smart girl and that you can actually do it.

You just have to think and relearn to think, had you not been thinking lately. And try using that thing up in your head.

Siguro naman hindi ka magbibigti noh just because chinaka-chaka ka dito sa blog ko at ng mga sumagot sa iyong mail.

Katuwaan lang naman 'ning.

Pero, you almost made me cry. I mean, your comment was a classic tear-jerker I had the feeling that I was reading a Nora Aunor line or something to that effect (ano ba itong sinasabi ko?).

(Para sa inyong lahat, ang mga ito ang comment ni Michelle)

Anonymous said...
thank you po sa mga criticisms nyo (ambisyosa, wise, katarantaduhan). sorry kung nagpost pa ako ng ganyang klaseng queries. i thought makakatulong lang sa akin, makakasama pa pala. sorry po sa inyong mga nakabasa. i'll not take this against you guys, masakit pero naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit ganyan mga comments nyo.
5:52 AM

Anonymous said...
to the owner of this blogsite and sa mga friends nya, even those who have read the queries...i'm really really sorry po sa katangahan ko, napahiya po talaga ako sa ginawa ko. sabihin nyo na pong desperada ako, tatanggapin ko po lahat ng criticisms nyo. truth hurts naman po eh. pasensya na po talaga.
6:34 AM

Oh, dear. Hayaan mo na. Ako, naman ay istupid din most of the time. But when I did my thesis, I made sure I was doing the best. The time that I proposed the study, I was thinking that I will be employed by the company which was the subject of my thesis (well, not entirely the subject. Part.'yon ang correct).

This leaves me into thinking that perhaps you were actually considering a job in MTV-Philippines, which according to the many, is already non-existent.

Well, you must be hot to become an MTV vj. At least, hot si KC. Si Mark Abaya naman ay kakaiba. Very native na pwedeng ikumpara kay ekra.Pero mukhang masarap si Mark. Mukhang exotic kasi. Exotic na parang iguana.

Sinong kamukha mo sa kanilang dalawa, Michelle?

Well, if you are reading this, keep your calm. Don't take this seriously but your thesis, gurl. The thesis, as I have said, is your ticket in getting a good job.

Bye.

--

And, oh, PS pala. The following n were the comments I gathered from the group. Enjoy.

Troy Edison Yaw wrote:
Hi Michelle,

I'm afraid your question is no longer relevant. The aforementioned VJs no longer have their previous jobs (as VJs), as ABS-CBN has already bought-out MTV Phils. What they're currently showing now on the channel are MTV Asia (Singapore) programs, as part of the transition process before the new owner finally takes over around summer time or June this year.

--

marie cheriane flores wrote:
Hi Michelle,

Hi! Im Cheriane, Masscom grad from St.SCho Manila. As member of this group, I am sharing you what I learnt in school. I suggest you focus more on MTV-Asia (say its history, Advantages, Disadvantages and VJs) and discuss more of the usefuness of music channel in rather than the VJs. I think VJs are icons only.

Outlining the topics first po para organized ang thesis mo. Sana i helped you out.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
Ma. Cheriane Flores

--

Moro Karl Kristjan wrote:

Hi, Michelle!

I am a Faculty/Technical Writer at the Technological University of the Philippines. I am not here to make comments on which topic you should pursue.

I would like to point out though that your questions are not properly structured and violates a number of rules in question formation for research. I find most of the questions are double barrelled, suggestive and vague. If you intend to use any information you can gather from this activity of yours for simple class discussion purposes, then by all means, go for it. However, if this is for thesis as you claimed it to be, then consider reformulating your questions. In fact, you teacher should have advised you on this.

Thanks

--

Lavyah Michelle. Friends na tayo ah!
Muwahhhh... c(@_@)a

Meet Michelle Fabunan of the Lyceum University. A communication student, perhaps. I think she's graduating this year but she doubts her chances should she not do good in her thesis.

I have this feeling that the girl is kinda pulling everything possible--to include the use of the internet to conduct her study. Fot that, I would say wise.

Pero naman. Sobrang lalim ng kanyang thesis. Something that demands critical analysis and stuff. Well, basahin nyo nga ang email sa bruha.

hi! i'm michelle fabunan from lyceum of the phils. university,
currently pursuing a thesis entitled: The Effectiveness of MTV
Philippines VJs as Music Channel Hosts". in this regard, i would
like to ask for your help in answering the following questions:

1. who among the three current regular vjs of mtv phils. (cindy
kurleto, kc montero & marc abaya) is your most favorite and why?

2. which of these three qualities (communication skills, physical
appearance, charisma/appeal) of an effective host or presenter do
you consider most and why?

3. which among the following components of physical attractiveness do you consider most and why? (proportionate body/physique, telegenic, facial structure, skin color, hair color/style, fashion sense/style)

4. which among the components of charisma do you consider most and why? (persuasive talent, ability to speak well, stylish appearance)

5. which among the components of communication skills do you
consider most and why? (diction, good usage of words, delivery,
clarity, voice quality, accent)

6. which among these characteristics of music channel hosts do you consider most and why? (music channels hosts with good communication skills, music channel hosts who are physically attractive, music channel hosts with engaging personality/ presence on tv, music channel hosts with good communication skills and who are physically attractive.

7. do you think the three current regular mtv vjs are effective
music channel hosts? why or why not? :)

your answers to the above-mentioned queries will be highly
appreciated. thanks in advance :)

God Bless you all ^_^

Diba, ang lalim? Bunggah!
Good luck sa future mo neng!

"What do they want us to do? Kneel before here (her)...Kneel before Nicole and Ursua and serenade them all night?"---Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales

Tell me I am wrong--Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales is gay. Does this call for a national holiday? No. Because if indeed he is, I would rather go back to my old denial self, lock myself inside a casket, and deny till kingdom come that I am fabulous.

And that's suicide.

But I wish I am wrong. I wish I heard him wrong. Why because a couple of nights ago, while I was watching the news, I saw the justice secretary giving an interview as if we have not had enough of his statements (and the actions that follow them) that only smeared the meaning of the word justice.

The natural sound was clear. Everything was audible. Only that the message was garbled (and the image was sickening).

Sought for reaction about the complaint of Nicole's camp on the decision of the government to smuggle out American serviceman Lance Cpl. Daniel Smith, convicted of raping Nicole, from the walls of the Makati City Jail to the comforts of the US Embassy, Gonzales showed his slip.

His face deformed, Gonzales said: "What do they want us to do? Kneel before here (her)...Kneel before Nicole and Ursua and serenade them all night?"

Read that once again. Read it out loud if you want, again and again until you realize what that just means.

My elementary analyzing nature tells me that Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales apparently wants us all to know that he has problem kneeling before ladies.

That serenading Filipina women, much more those who cry rape and chase around Americans with a strong case and later walk home with a conviction, is ungentleman and something that could ruin the macho image in him that has long deteriorated along with his decency---without him knowing it.

My elementary analyzing nature also tells me that while Gonzales abhors that image of him kneeling before Nicole and private prosecutor Evalyn Ursua, serenading them with all those flowers and chocolates, he doesn't have any problem kneeling before Lance Cpl. Daniel Smith who was convicted of raping Nicole last year.

And either I don't see any problem finding myself kneeling before Smith for all the carnal desires I have for him for being so pretty and delicious.

Only that I'm afraid I might later drool and foam in blood and witness a gory but dramatic union of a falling half-hard white appendage and a cold floor.