एपिताफ

...Here Lies The Work Whore.

badly missing them

There I was--absorbing pain exactly the way I often attract negative volts from the sad and tragic stories of people in war; how they survived bullets that could have pierced--fatally--through their flesh but nevertheless still ripped a part of their lives, teasing the little sanity left of them. Outside, the sea started to darken the shores; leaving the expanse in perfect shade of bleak. And the highway--surprisingly 'bumpless'--became a bosom of frenzied vehicles, fearless but never ready for a clash, no matter how minor it could be. As stories always get the better of me, the body contorted itself to fit into whatever is left of the cramped white car; the eyes eclipsing voluntarily to separately meet him and her in the recesses of my past.

jess fur peyn

Writing from Linamon, Lanao del Norte. Just few kilometers--like nearby--are Kolambugan and Kauswagan--the towns recently stormed by the Moro Islamic Liberation Front rebels headed by Commander Bravo. Next week, I will be in Tawi-Tawi and Zamboanga, then back to Cagayan de Oro.

Been slow lately. Ang daming travels. Meetings and trainings overlapped; if only I could be in two places at the same time. Or three places. The other week, I was in Laguna for the National Union of Journalists of the Philippines training. Ang dami ko nang utang sa aking office. Masyado na akong spoiled--makes me think about my being an effective advocate.

Over the weekend, I attended a training on peace and conflict journalism in Cagayan de Oro. Nakakaloka. New inputs. Old inputs. New friends. Old friends.

Hmmmm...but new words. Lots of them.
Para sa inyo, asan ang winner?


Desayas.....................................................Desires
Re-ek.......................................................React
Ekts........................................................Acts
Fekts.......................................................Facts
Reedahs.....................................................Readers
May-yah.....................................................Mayor
Gabbage.....................................................Garbage
Ektiv.......................................................Active
Bek.........................................................Back
Adah........................................................Other
Pee-pil.....................................................People
Sauce.......................................................Source
Sauces......................................................Sources
Sektoh......................................................Sector
Tweel.......................................................Tool
Ple-yes.....................................................Players
Mee-tah.....................................................Meter
Ah..........................................................Are
Ekses.......................................................Access
Pawah.......................................................Power
Teh-bel.....................................................Table
Awah........................................................Our
Boder.......................................................Border
Fail-yah....................................................Failure
Impek.......................................................Impact
Leah by leah................................................Layer by Layer
Patties.....................................................Parties
Moning......................................................Morning

imbestigatib mong mukha mo

Ayaw kong sanang mag-blog pero sobrang tagal na nitong kagagahan na ito. I mean, yang entry sa baba. Isang linggo na yan at tapos na ako sa episode na yan. Bago na naman sana pero di ako makapag-sulat. Hindi ko ma-gather ng maayos ang aking thoughts. Ang dami naman sanang nangyari sa akin nitong mga nakaraang araw.

Ito na lang. Nawendang ako nang...

1. Nong nasa laguna na kami at papunta na sa resort kung saan ang mga kasamahan sa work ay magmi-meeting, ang daming signage along the way na talagang weird. Isipin mo na lang ito: ice-tube uling (charcoal, yes) for sale or private pool for rent. Ano? private pool? For rent? Di ko ma-gets.

2. Ako'y may naging kalandian ng hindi ko inasahan. Tae. Basta. Landi yon. Gusto ko naman. Perfect masyado kasi mabait na malandi ang combination. Kung di man sya naglalandi--o di man nya sinasadyang maglandi sa akin--ok lang. Landi sa akin yon. Walang pakialamanan. At isa pa, ok. Fine. Ako na nakipaglandian sa kanya. Masisisi nyo ba ako kung hot sya? Kung yummy sya?

3. Hindi pala kasama ang isang kasama sa meeting na ito. Akala ko nagbibiro lang. Tinutuo ng bata ang kanyang banta. Sadness kasi wala sya. Pramis. Eh, sa gusto ko pa naman syang makita. Yon lang. Potasya! Eksayted pa naman akong makita sya uli. Bweset. Syet. Like, I'm so highstrung this very moment. Tse.

4. Nang mabalitaang may hiwalayan sanang magaganap at may hiwalayan daw na naganap. Like, ang nakakaloka kasi mga malalapit na tao ang involve dito. Ayaw ko na munang mag elaborate habang makapal pa ang usok, altho may nabitiwan na akong comment. Antay na lang muna kung kelan wala na ang makapal na usok at soot na lang ang naiwan. By that time keri na ang event.

5. Ang tawagin ng isang sikat na blogger ang kanyang podcast na investigative journalism. Nakaka-offend kasi hindi naman nya alam kung ano ang investigative journalism. Nakaka-insulto sa mga investigative journalists. Ang mas lalong nakakainsulto kasi ang topic ng kanyang investigative journalism ay kung paano makipaglandian ang isang bakla sa kapwa bakla; paano makipag-sex sa isang stranger. Hindi nakaka-insulto ang sex ng mga bakla sa kapwa bakla. Ang nakaka-insulto ay kung paano ito ginawang cheap sa isang podcast na nagbalatkayo bilang isang porma ng investigative journalism. Isa pa--hindi naman sya journalist no!

yellow...

D,

This is kind of sooooooo frigging off.

First, I know sumemplang ako. Second, I sort of don't know whether to really explain or not--especially that this is one of my most embarrassing semplangs. Ever.

Then, there is this nagging concern whether it is right--but, of course, it is more than it is not--to really explain my being honest while at the same time being unspeakably cheap; the latter, I know, you know very well.

Problem is--I don't know how to do it. I mean to explain. Paksyet.

Kato...

I am sorry for like mixing messages up. Really. Chaka.

Again, I am sorry for showing you my honesty while at the same time, slipping out my being uberly cheap. Waw.


Always,

Jepoi


PS

Always gyud? hahahaha...

---

Writing this letter made me cringe. And thinking about the reasons why I had to apologize for being honest or being cheap made me raise a fist--literally--and swing it up straight to the wall. Ampanget. Puta!!!